When I first started this blog, it was right after I had been blogging for AIDS/LifeCycle 4 in 2005 and I was a little addicted to writing.  In time this addiction fell off, although my thoughts never did.  Every morning in the shower I have thoughts that I think I really should write down, but never get around to doing it.  It's now almost seven years later and I'm gonna try to start this up again.

I don't blog for you to see, I blog for me to get it off my mind.  Sometimes what I think won't be so nice and really I don't care.  I'm not here because I want you to comment on anything, I'm here to write what I am currently thinking.  Sometimes it won't make sense, sometimes it will.  Sometimes I'll have correct grammar and spelling, sometimes I won't.  If your read it or not really doesn't matter.

My sister died of lung cancer a year ago October.  It was a hit that I was not ready for, nor was anyone else in my family.  It made me think of life, what moves people- what drives people and what makes people die, or want to die.  It also made me strongly realize what I don't want around me in my life and that's negative stuff that puts out negative energy.

Easy to say of course, but much harder to keep out.  I try to stay away from people who constantly swear and use the f-bomb, for instance, because for me that hits me as negative energy.  Although the other person could care less and doesn't see it that way, I do care that the energy comes to me that way and so I will try my best to politely avoid it when I can.  I try to stay away from worry, especially of things I cannot do anything about or cannot directly affect. I smile and laugh even when I may not be so happy, because I know that action for me, will make me happy.

This is probably why I was so drawn to AIDS/LifeCycle that first year and wanted to make it a part of my life.  For the past almost 10 years I have surrounded myself with folks who for the most part are always upbeat, happy and striving for a successful goal most of the year.  When folks become negative, unhappy or depressed I simply stay away.  I've found that when I try to help, it rather brings me down and pulls out my negativeness which is not where I want to be.

That's me.  Take it or leave it.

I anticipate that this Ride, ALC 11 will be my tenth and my last to ride.   There are other things I want to do in the world, other goals to attain, other jobs to do.  Don't hold me to this though, I have been known to change my mind a few times.  There are other groups of people out there who I want to engage with, and contrary to popular belief cycling is not necessarily my first love, my family is my first love and hanging with them is actually my favorite thing to do these days.  In time I'm sure I'll find even more people to engage with that I will also enjoy.

My mother is now 90 years old and she and I know that our time together is precious and limited, so we laugh and make fun of each other as much as we can.  She annoys the hell out of me, but she is not negative--- ok her opinion filters are gone which means she says what she thinks out loud--- but she, like I try to laugh and every stupid thing in life.  I try not to let her dwell on sad things, and keep her matter of fact whenever I can.  I'm sure I annoy her just as much.

The season for ALC training is upon us.  I lead a training ride on Fridays from the Golden Gate Bridge to points north.  I still remember growing up in San Jose, and not even knowing that there was anything on the other side of that bridge, and now I live there.